The longer I experience being in leadership positions, regardless of industry, the more I see how insecure people really are. Perhaps it is part of the maturing process as a species — the older you get the more you see patterns. People will do things to fit in that are 100% obviously wrong or biased because they want to be liked. The majority of people are like this — they follow.
This is how many brands help sell — be accepted and fit in. If you believe this or buy this product, you too will be famous like “so and so.” Just fitting in with what others are doing will make you happy…really?
What is “fitting in”? When do you know that you fit in? Who tells you?
Do you have to include a little flag or symbol emoji for your cause or repost a mantra in all your personal connections to feel validated? Further, when a business or brand starts promoting some cause to check the box (one they will abandon soon after it does not serve them), does that feel authentic to you? My household cleaner is now pitching environmentally friendly more than effective? It’s manipulation at it’s finest.
The reality is too many people want to be right (emotion) vs. being accurate (fact). Good leaders are typically lonely rational thinkers that got that way by making mistakes and learning — seeking facts over emotions.
At least for me, I don’t care about what the group thinks (BTW “group-think” is the key concept in mass manipulation). That does not mean I arrogantly ignore other people and ideas. Rather, I just care about cutting through “noise” an being accurate to my own compass so I can make better decisions for my happiness, help those I interact with, and live a full life as I define it. And those who also get that from following our joining our lead, great! When we align to win together, it is not a one sided relationship. I just don’t get why people follow bullshit just to feel like they fit in, in many cases.
A perfect example of not fitting in is building a startup — it is counter to “fitting in”. Most people take a job, not a risk it all venture with no guarantee. These two ways of thinking are different, not better or worse. But when you build a business and then interact with someone who only works for a business, it can reveal the issue. A recent example exposed this when I was struck by consistent advice from three separate marketing agencies eager to put us on a path to follow brand X and copy this and repost that. Why? So I can be #2 by comparison, at best? Not one of these agencies had a big success to point to because they were followers. I don’t know too many great businesses that were followers.
The deeper reason people seek approval is that most people do not understand how to think for themselves. The people that can think alone usually have had to go through something hard in their past and learned from it. Adversity does not build your character, it reveals character.
Maybe being seen by others as wrong or getting “kicked out” of the club is too frightening for some. For me, the sooner I get kicked or leave a group, the better. It is a blessing as it means I did not really belong unless I did what someone else wanted me to do that may not really be in my best interest. This might explain some how people get sucked into unhealthy cults. They have a need to follow which is not in the forefront of a leader’s DNA. Fax, no printer.
Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs) in all industries get paid to push the next thing. Just remove Key and Leader and what are you left with? They are transactional and do not care about you or your existence. They usually use you for their personal gain. Endorsements are a foundation of marketing — and we all have fallen for it. Yet many marketing people still think that is the “way.” I should buy my shoes because an athlete I like wears them? A famous actor should tell me what investments to consider (Matt Damon Crypto.com ring a bell)? Now, if it’s just a fun hobby — all good. But there are some deep-seated psychological evils that politicians, main stream media, and celebrities have used for decades to mind-control people to do their bidding.
As you can tell, I am simply amazed that marketing people think random KOLs have their best interest in mind. I literally had a marketing guy tell me that he agrees that you should buy X fake followers and fake engagement. Even though 100% fake, it still matters. Why? To some uninformed fool who might be influenced to do something according to the paid KOL? Does that KOL really have a future jumping from thing to thing with no follow up or genuine ongoing support and interest in whatever they pitch? A partner is much better than a KOL. Full stop.
It’s like opening a restaurant and paying people to form a line outside and/or sit in half of your tables to make it look busy. Is that what we have come to as “great marketing” today ? Fake followers and engagement means a company is legit? How about trying the food first?
However, I do think it is healthy to “belong and identify” to a group of like-minded people if there is genuine happiness there for you and it is positive for others. This is why it is so special to find a great group of friends who just “get you”. And a best friend earned your trust from being loyal and honest to you over time in all situations.
Successful leaders look at any situation and really ask, what do I think, why do I think this, and why does it matter what anyone else thinks? You don’t need to be negative or arrogant. In this way, you are just seeking the pursuit of happiness via truth in terms of what you really believe and your wisdom.
Unfortunately, many people don’t have the confidence to turn 180 degrees against a crowd as we have some DNA hard wiring that tells us not to go against a group — especially in thought. But in reality, you can do this every day if you simply seek the truth and stop trying to convince a bunch of people to accept your truth so you feel more “confident.” It is a very strange cycle. But you break it by searching inside for YOUR voice. In time, it comes to us all.
